Don't listen to gossip.
I've always been a writer. I learnt to write from a very young age and I guess I've been blessed with the ability to read, write and spell well. We all have talents and over the years I finally realized that writing is one of mine. I've always used writing as an avenue to sort through the myriad of emotions and issues that have come my way over my life and have found it a fantastic avenue for me to sort out and vent, well, life.
I'm an intense person by nature and I 'think' extremely deeply, which many natural writers seem to do. I'm also extremely sensitive which people may not realize because on so many other levels I see myself as quite tough and resilient. I'm notorious for 'over-thinking' issues until I almost drive myself mad and I read between lines that I shouldn't and often come to conclusions that are not real. That's me - and it's why writing helps me find the 'truth' of what's really going on. I'm also very observant of people's behavior and can often see 'below the surface' as to what is going on and what games people are playing.
I hate games. I hate emotional games so much that I will put up with it for a very long time and then I'll walk. And when I walk, I walk for good. I'm not one of these people that go back over and over again to be subjected to people's game playing and emotional digs or those who are so nice to your face and backstabbing awful behind your back.
I think we've all had it happen and we've all had people in our lives like that. I struggle deeply in these places and it brings out in me a level of anxiety I don't like. Mistrust is something I find so difficult to live with and I have yet to find an avenue to live with it in the long term. And the hardest thing is when you KNOW that someone is saying awful things about you, and continue to do so out of your hearing, and there is nothing you can or will do about it because it's a very complicated relationship. And as much as you know it says more about them than about you, it still leaves you scratching your head and wondering what the heck you can do to change it.
I try very hard to understand where people are coming from and what drives them. I studied psychology at Uni for a couple of years and have always had a love of human behavior but it's one thing to enjoy observing and understanding, and another to be subject to it. None of us really escape the difficulties of human nature and the behavior of people who are intent in some way of either hurting us or certainly giving us the 'not so subtle' message of putting us 'back in our places.' Jelousy is a very strong and destructive emotion and I think we'll be lying if we didn't confess that at some stage in our lives we've all felt it. But there's a difference between 'experiencing' it and letting it dictate our relationships. I for one spent years being jelous of many people and many things. It wasn't hard for me to experience that given that I inherently believed I wasn't as good as the next person and always saw them as better than I was. Foster kids often are left with this idea that they are second class citizens with something inherently wrong with them. I lived with that for a very large percentage of my life.
But thankfully I grew up, matured and let go of the kind of thinking that restrained me in this area. I still fight it at times, but I certainly don't let it govern my relationships. Because when jelousy is at the forefront of what drives you, you go out of your way to make sure you bring the other person down a peg or two (or three or four). I'm on the other end of this now, though I honestly fail to see what how anyone could be jelous of me and my family. But it's awful - and I mean bloody awful. It's those constant digs that are meant leave you questioning motive (and it does) and making sure you know that you're not as special as you think you are (which I don't). It's those little arrows of hurt that sting at the time and then penetrate and leave it's poison over the ensuing days. It's making sure that anyone around you knows that you're not really that nice, or you don't do things right - or whatever it is that people feel they need to make others think about you.
I haven't found the answer to this problem yet. I'm working on it and it's quite possible just another one of those relationships that needs letting go of. I don't do this lightly though in the past I've no choice but to walk away from toxic people. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, perhaps some time to grow up and change. But really, when you know that deep down some people just clearly don't like you, you have to wonder.
Posting this might be tricky but heck, this is real life. I'm as interested in posting the fun and happy times as well as the struggles and the raw honesty that life throws at us. Life isn't always a bed of roses and I'm as keen to be honest about the things I find difficult as the things I celebrate. I preached last weekend probably one of my most powerful sermons (even if I do say so myself) because I believe it was real, honest and raw. Life on this planet, regardless of where we've come from and where we are going, is tough. I mean real tough. It's also amazing, and fun and filled with endless possibilities, but it's also, well, bloody hard. None of us are immune to the difficulties human nature and relationships bring but somewhere in it we have to find a place of peace, which isn't always easy to get to.
So this is my rant, my vent, and the very real challenges I face. I'll find the answer, somewhere, but in the meantime I feel like I'm just sitting in the muck trying to figure out what the next move must be. I'm being careful in the meantime; careful what I do, what I say and what I do next. Not that I want it to be that way, but sometimes that's just how some relationships are.
And let me leave you with a word of advice. If you hear awful things about another person, put a stop to it. I've been guilty of it in the past, don't get me wrong, I'm no angel here. But if we stop giving a platform to gossip and bad mouthing, then at least we can make some steps at protecting one another from slander and hurt. None of us like it when we hear it's about us, so think about that when you hear things about someone else.
Now, we all talk about each other. Let's not kid ourselves. But we also know that there's 'talking' and there's 'talking.' Sharing with each other with someone else's best interest in mind should be our goal. If our goal is to get a negative and nasty view of that person across, then we need to stop. If our motive is to sow seeds of doubt and dissent about that person to someone else, stop. Our job should be to build each other up and not tear each other down. The world around is us doing enough tearing down without us allowing it in our own lives. Our speech should always be to build each other up - in all things in all areas.
Oh it's a challenge. For me too. I do not exclude myself here. When things hurt and disappoint us, make sure you have someone close to you that you can trust and talk to. We all need to do that, heck I'm doing that in a more public forum! It's important to have those people around us we KNOW we can talk to about our hurts, challenges and disappointments - that we can trust. Trust being the key word. Don't go around talking to 'everyone' - especially those you KNOW will pass it on.
So thanks, that's my vent. For today at least. No doubt I'll be back tomorrow to let it all out again. :)
I'm an intense person by nature and I 'think' extremely deeply, which many natural writers seem to do. I'm also extremely sensitive which people may not realize because on so many other levels I see myself as quite tough and resilient. I'm notorious for 'over-thinking' issues until I almost drive myself mad and I read between lines that I shouldn't and often come to conclusions that are not real. That's me - and it's why writing helps me find the 'truth' of what's really going on. I'm also very observant of people's behavior and can often see 'below the surface' as to what is going on and what games people are playing.
I hate games. I hate emotional games so much that I will put up with it for a very long time and then I'll walk. And when I walk, I walk for good. I'm not one of these people that go back over and over again to be subjected to people's game playing and emotional digs or those who are so nice to your face and backstabbing awful behind your back.
I think we've all had it happen and we've all had people in our lives like that. I struggle deeply in these places and it brings out in me a level of anxiety I don't like. Mistrust is something I find so difficult to live with and I have yet to find an avenue to live with it in the long term. And the hardest thing is when you KNOW that someone is saying awful things about you, and continue to do so out of your hearing, and there is nothing you can or will do about it because it's a very complicated relationship. And as much as you know it says more about them than about you, it still leaves you scratching your head and wondering what the heck you can do to change it.
I try very hard to understand where people are coming from and what drives them. I studied psychology at Uni for a couple of years and have always had a love of human behavior but it's one thing to enjoy observing and understanding, and another to be subject to it. None of us really escape the difficulties of human nature and the behavior of people who are intent in some way of either hurting us or certainly giving us the 'not so subtle' message of putting us 'back in our places.' Jelousy is a very strong and destructive emotion and I think we'll be lying if we didn't confess that at some stage in our lives we've all felt it. But there's a difference between 'experiencing' it and letting it dictate our relationships. I for one spent years being jelous of many people and many things. It wasn't hard for me to experience that given that I inherently believed I wasn't as good as the next person and always saw them as better than I was. Foster kids often are left with this idea that they are second class citizens with something inherently wrong with them. I lived with that for a very large percentage of my life.
But thankfully I grew up, matured and let go of the kind of thinking that restrained me in this area. I still fight it at times, but I certainly don't let it govern my relationships. Because when jelousy is at the forefront of what drives you, you go out of your way to make sure you bring the other person down a peg or two (or three or four). I'm on the other end of this now, though I honestly fail to see what how anyone could be jelous of me and my family. But it's awful - and I mean bloody awful. It's those constant digs that are meant leave you questioning motive (and it does) and making sure you know that you're not as special as you think you are (which I don't). It's those little arrows of hurt that sting at the time and then penetrate and leave it's poison over the ensuing days. It's making sure that anyone around you knows that you're not really that nice, or you don't do things right - or whatever it is that people feel they need to make others think about you.
I haven't found the answer to this problem yet. I'm working on it and it's quite possible just another one of those relationships that needs letting go of. I don't do this lightly though in the past I've no choice but to walk away from toxic people. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, perhaps some time to grow up and change. But really, when you know that deep down some people just clearly don't like you, you have to wonder.
Posting this might be tricky but heck, this is real life. I'm as interested in posting the fun and happy times as well as the struggles and the raw honesty that life throws at us. Life isn't always a bed of roses and I'm as keen to be honest about the things I find difficult as the things I celebrate. I preached last weekend probably one of my most powerful sermons (even if I do say so myself) because I believe it was real, honest and raw. Life on this planet, regardless of where we've come from and where we are going, is tough. I mean real tough. It's also amazing, and fun and filled with endless possibilities, but it's also, well, bloody hard. None of us are immune to the difficulties human nature and relationships bring but somewhere in it we have to find a place of peace, which isn't always easy to get to.
So this is my rant, my vent, and the very real challenges I face. I'll find the answer, somewhere, but in the meantime I feel like I'm just sitting in the muck trying to figure out what the next move must be. I'm being careful in the meantime; careful what I do, what I say and what I do next. Not that I want it to be that way, but sometimes that's just how some relationships are.
And let me leave you with a word of advice. If you hear awful things about another person, put a stop to it. I've been guilty of it in the past, don't get me wrong, I'm no angel here. But if we stop giving a platform to gossip and bad mouthing, then at least we can make some steps at protecting one another from slander and hurt. None of us like it when we hear it's about us, so think about that when you hear things about someone else.
Now, we all talk about each other. Let's not kid ourselves. But we also know that there's 'talking' and there's 'talking.' Sharing with each other with someone else's best interest in mind should be our goal. If our goal is to get a negative and nasty view of that person across, then we need to stop. If our motive is to sow seeds of doubt and dissent about that person to someone else, stop. Our job should be to build each other up and not tear each other down. The world around is us doing enough tearing down without us allowing it in our own lives. Our speech should always be to build each other up - in all things in all areas.
Oh it's a challenge. For me too. I do not exclude myself here. When things hurt and disappoint us, make sure you have someone close to you that you can trust and talk to. We all need to do that, heck I'm doing that in a more public forum! It's important to have those people around us we KNOW we can talk to about our hurts, challenges and disappointments - that we can trust. Trust being the key word. Don't go around talking to 'everyone' - especially those you KNOW will pass it on.
So thanks, that's my vent. For today at least. No doubt I'll be back tomorrow to let it all out again. :)
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