A New Year.
Where I confess that I don't get as excited about Christmas as a lot of other people do, I absolutely love a new year. The week between Christmas and the new year always leaves me in deep thought, pondering the past 12 months and excited about the yet unwritten future. I always find that the week between Christmas and New year is a kind of a strange time, like being in no man's land. Christmas is over and the year is drawing to a close, yet we haven't yet crossed the threshold into a new one. It was an extremely quiet week for us and one that I was thankful for as I was able to use the time to process the old year so that I could let it go and embrace the new one.
I came to the conclusion that overall it was a really good year. 2015 was very kind to us given that the preceding 2 years saw us attend more funerals in 18 months than we had in almost our lifetime. I had a great year at work in a classroom of 5 and 6 year old's and was blessed to work with 2 great teachers (though we do have a lot of great teachers in our school). I love watching these young ones experience their first year in school, change and grow and experience new things. Our school had a good year too as the one before it saw us deal with much stress with the Mine fires and the sudden death of a teacher and the loss of a well known parent.
Our family also had a great year. Both my children excelled in school and in the things they love to do. Our eldest child entered a gifted program in his high school and completed the year 7 and 8 curriculum in one year with flying colors. He also excelled in his music and is now a very accomplished guitar player who will continue this year with a new guitar teacher. Our youngest son matured greatly this year, excelled also academically and has found his place in a world that can be difficult for him. We have grown much in our own church as we've slowly been taking the reins as our senior pastors establish new congregations in other towns and become the overseer's of 3 congregations. We also became foster carers which was huge for us and we are extremely excited about what this new year holds for us, our children and the children that will come into our home and our hearts.
So yes, overall it was a great year.
But like everyone we also had our fair share of pain and hurt. I started the year renewing a relationship with a family member after 13 years with the hope that it just may work, and it didn't. And it hurt and shocked me and took me quite some time to work through it. And the end of the year saw me close another chapter at the death of my longer term foster mother and the subsequent treatment from her family. I intend to write another blog on this, not in the negative, but that this was a year where I have been finally able to let go of the whole idea of 'mother' and step into a whole new realm without them.
None of us are immune to these kinds of events, or the behaviour of other people. And it doesn't matter who you are, it hurts. I've been falsely accused and had lies spread about me of which I had no avenue to defend myself but to sit back and allow people to think what they will. And trust me, I don't find that an easy pill to swallow.
So when I get to the end of the year, I find myself looking back and working my way through all of these things, the good, the bad and the ugly. I don't run from my own hurt nor from my own responsibility. I allow myself to process it, feel it, try to understand it - and then I walk away and let it go. Oh I haven't always been this way but through years of depression and anxiety, I have learnt to. The psalmist says, in the well known 23rd psalm, 'though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.' We all go through our valley's of the shadow of death but what occurs to me is the psalmist gave us the verb walk. We must walk through these things, not 'run' from them nor stay there. But walk we must - not camp there. Setting up tent in these dark places will bring with it depression and a myriad of other difficult emotions. We need to be allowed to feel the hurt, the disappointment and the pain. But we need to keep walking until we find ourselves out of the valley of the shadow and back up the mountain. As a Christian, the psalmist also reminds me that 'thy rod and they staff protect me' because I'm not walking alone but with Jesus by my side.
So at the time of these events I process them and then at the end of the year I look back one more time and I let them go. I've always tried to do this because I don't want to take this kind of baggage with me into a new year. Oh there are always remnants and there are still times that I need to visit these places, but I try where I can to walk away and start a new and untainted year. It's taken me a long time to get to this and we all do this in different ways. I guess I've just learnt more about who I am (which I kind of like), that I can't control what people do around me and to just be the best person I can be with what I have.
And when I've let it go I look forward to a blank page and a year that I am yet to write. But write I will. I have goals and plans and hubby and I spent some time on New Year's Eve writing them down. Putting them down on paper for us gives them some substance and it also means we can go back occasionally and see whether we are on track. We write down our goals, our desires, our needs and our wants. This is on the first page of our diaries and we love to look back at the end of the year and see whether we've met them or added to them. I don't do new year's resolutions, mostly because I'm a perfectionist and keep them all too well. The last resolution I had to lose weight led me down the path of anorexia. Yep - there's perfectionism at its finest!!
I'm very excited about 2016. I'm ready for it and whatever it decides to throw at me. Some things I can't control, but other things I can. I can control my attitude and my behaviour and I choose to go into this year with great expectation for me, my family and the beautiful friends we have who are walking this journey with us. My greatest wish is that you too would have a very blessed and prosperous year in everything you do. May your family, your finances, your relationships, your workplace and your health be abundantly blessed so that when you get to the end of this year, regardless at what it throws at you, you too can say 2016 was a great year.
And the best bit? I get to travel it with you!!
I came to the conclusion that overall it was a really good year. 2015 was very kind to us given that the preceding 2 years saw us attend more funerals in 18 months than we had in almost our lifetime. I had a great year at work in a classroom of 5 and 6 year old's and was blessed to work with 2 great teachers (though we do have a lot of great teachers in our school). I love watching these young ones experience their first year in school, change and grow and experience new things. Our school had a good year too as the one before it saw us deal with much stress with the Mine fires and the sudden death of a teacher and the loss of a well known parent.
Our family also had a great year. Both my children excelled in school and in the things they love to do. Our eldest child entered a gifted program in his high school and completed the year 7 and 8 curriculum in one year with flying colors. He also excelled in his music and is now a very accomplished guitar player who will continue this year with a new guitar teacher. Our youngest son matured greatly this year, excelled also academically and has found his place in a world that can be difficult for him. We have grown much in our own church as we've slowly been taking the reins as our senior pastors establish new congregations in other towns and become the overseer's of 3 congregations. We also became foster carers which was huge for us and we are extremely excited about what this new year holds for us, our children and the children that will come into our home and our hearts.
So yes, overall it was a great year.
But like everyone we also had our fair share of pain and hurt. I started the year renewing a relationship with a family member after 13 years with the hope that it just may work, and it didn't. And it hurt and shocked me and took me quite some time to work through it. And the end of the year saw me close another chapter at the death of my longer term foster mother and the subsequent treatment from her family. I intend to write another blog on this, not in the negative, but that this was a year where I have been finally able to let go of the whole idea of 'mother' and step into a whole new realm without them.
None of us are immune to these kinds of events, or the behaviour of other people. And it doesn't matter who you are, it hurts. I've been falsely accused and had lies spread about me of which I had no avenue to defend myself but to sit back and allow people to think what they will. And trust me, I don't find that an easy pill to swallow.
So when I get to the end of the year, I find myself looking back and working my way through all of these things, the good, the bad and the ugly. I don't run from my own hurt nor from my own responsibility. I allow myself to process it, feel it, try to understand it - and then I walk away and let it go. Oh I haven't always been this way but through years of depression and anxiety, I have learnt to. The psalmist says, in the well known 23rd psalm, 'though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.' We all go through our valley's of the shadow of death but what occurs to me is the psalmist gave us the verb walk. We must walk through these things, not 'run' from them nor stay there. But walk we must - not camp there. Setting up tent in these dark places will bring with it depression and a myriad of other difficult emotions. We need to be allowed to feel the hurt, the disappointment and the pain. But we need to keep walking until we find ourselves out of the valley of the shadow and back up the mountain. As a Christian, the psalmist also reminds me that 'thy rod and they staff protect me' because I'm not walking alone but with Jesus by my side.
So at the time of these events I process them and then at the end of the year I look back one more time and I let them go. I've always tried to do this because I don't want to take this kind of baggage with me into a new year. Oh there are always remnants and there are still times that I need to visit these places, but I try where I can to walk away and start a new and untainted year. It's taken me a long time to get to this and we all do this in different ways. I guess I've just learnt more about who I am (which I kind of like), that I can't control what people do around me and to just be the best person I can be with what I have.
And when I've let it go I look forward to a blank page and a year that I am yet to write. But write I will. I have goals and plans and hubby and I spent some time on New Year's Eve writing them down. Putting them down on paper for us gives them some substance and it also means we can go back occasionally and see whether we are on track. We write down our goals, our desires, our needs and our wants. This is on the first page of our diaries and we love to look back at the end of the year and see whether we've met them or added to them. I don't do new year's resolutions, mostly because I'm a perfectionist and keep them all too well. The last resolution I had to lose weight led me down the path of anorexia. Yep - there's perfectionism at its finest!!
I'm very excited about 2016. I'm ready for it and whatever it decides to throw at me. Some things I can't control, but other things I can. I can control my attitude and my behaviour and I choose to go into this year with great expectation for me, my family and the beautiful friends we have who are walking this journey with us. My greatest wish is that you too would have a very blessed and prosperous year in everything you do. May your family, your finances, your relationships, your workplace and your health be abundantly blessed so that when you get to the end of this year, regardless at what it throws at you, you too can say 2016 was a great year.
And the best bit? I get to travel it with you!!
Happy New Year Nicole! Wishing the best this year! Beulah
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year my beautiful friend. May it be a very special and blessed one. x
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