14 years married - how Marko and I met.

When I walked down the isle 14 years ago today, it was the result of a whirlwind and 'out of the ordinary' relationship that had developed thousands of miles away and two cultures apart. Even in this I realized that I've never really been called to do things the 'ordinary' way and meeting my life partner was going to be no different.

This story doesn't begin when we first met - but well before that. Yesterday I introduced Marie-Louise, a very important person in my life, who also happens to be Swedish. In 1999 I travelled to Sweden with Marie-Louise and her then husband and spent 2 weeks with them in Stockholm. I had been involved in Marie-Louise's family for a number of years so was familiar with some of the Swedish traditions, foods and celebrations. Being in Sweden was still a bit of a culture shock to me but one that I really loved because it is so rich in history and tradition.

Now, this is somewhat of a long story that I'm trying really hard to condense. That's not easy for me as not only do I find writing easy, but I'm also a typist so can keep going and going and going. But for the sake of you, my audience, I shall give you a more condensed version.

When I returned from overseas (I also travelled to England, France, Austria and Italy), I decided I would like to go and live in Sweden for a year. I'm not sure I was ever serious about this, but one can dream and have aspirations can't they? I had a penpal from Sweden, Mia (whom I am still in touch with to this day - and it's now over 20 years!!) so decided that it would be a great idea to have a few Christian penpals so that I would know a few people if I moved around. It was all a very romantic idea though probably not as realistic as I thought it was at the time. Little did I know though that it was this idea that was going to lead me to the man I would marry.

I logged on the computer and searched some penpal sites and came across Marko, who, as he explained later, had put his details on and then completely forgotten about it. The strange thing in this story is that it was completely against my nature to start up a conversation with a male, but there was something about his post that caught my attention. I was a youth counsellor at the time and Marko was a high school teacher. He was a Christian which was important to me and we both smoked. Now, that may seem quite ridiculous and I guess in a way it was, but in the back of my mind I thought that that was important because he would understand me who also at the time was a smoker. I'm pleased to say we both gave up that habit a long time ago.

I sent Marko an email and it was a number of weeks before he replied. We only spoke occasionally over the next few months as we were both moving house but once we settled our emails became regular until within 12 months they were daily. Eventually Marko wanted to ring me but I made him ring Marie-Louise first!! Marie-Louise and I were sharing a Unit by then and had separate phone lines but I figured that if he could get past her, then he'd could ring me. I mean seriously, some stranger from another country isn't necessarily the safest relationship and I knew I was taking some pretty big risks. To this day I tell my kids to not follow in my footsteps!!

To cut a long story short, Marko did ring and so began a fairy tale long distance relationship between us. I was unwell with Anorexia at the time and he was very patient and understanding, particularly as many times I told him to go and find himself some drop dead Swedish bomb who was much more worth his time and affection than me. Thankfully he thought otherwise.

But hang on he did and in some ways he was a very safe person for me because in no way did I ever think he would turn up on my doorstep. Because of that fact, we talked about everything and anything. Conversation was all we had and we spent many many many hours talking - and thousands of dollars on phone bills. There was nothing out of bounds for us as we shared some of our deepest and darkest secrets and our lives up until that point. At our wedding Marie-Louise said that we talked more in that 18 months than many of her clients had done in 10 years!!! And she was right. I do believe that that was in fact one of the greatest strengths of our relationship. From the word go we were great communicators and we've never had trouble talking since. No matter how hard things get, the one thing we can fall back on is good communication. If I'm ever asked to give a word of advice to newly married couples, I'd say that's it. Just keep talking. No matter what.

Okay so that's not always easy for me because when I get really mad at Marko - I don't want to talk to him. I mean - I really just don't want to talk. I try and last as long as I can but inevitably it's never that long because we've always been good talkers. Especially in the car. Ask Marko, when he has my undivided attention (so he thinks) and talks up a storm. Sometimes I just want him to drive in silence!!!

Over time it became apparent that our relationship was developing, which I might add was hard to understand because I questioned the validity of a relationship between two people who had never physically met. But regardless of this, we had developed strong feelings for each other and it became apparent that one of us was going to have to make the trip overseas. As I was still unwell and making a move to another country was far too big and scary for me, Marko decided to come to Australia. So he sold his beloved computer and booked a return ticket to Melbourne.

From there, the whirlwind began. I was released from hospital in July and Marko arrived in Australia on August 15, 2001. I met him at the airport, on my own, which in retrospect was such a dumb thing to do, though I did tee it up with my good friend to bring him back to her place so that if I didn't arrive she could send out the police. One really couldn't be too sure hey?

When Marko and I met face to face it felt like we'd known each other all our lives. The fact that we'd talked for so long and so openly and honestly meant that we really did know each other intimately, despite the lack of physical presence. We slipped into a very easy relationship and within a month we were engaged and 4 months later we married.

Oh I know how skeptical some people were. I mean really, back in those days meeting online was very new (though these days it's quite commonplace) and scary. People doubted that this relationship could be real as so much of it had been developed in separate countries. But I've never been one to be dictated by what people think and we went ahead and married quickly. We were both of an age where we knew what we wanted and decided there was no point waiting.

So 14 years ago today we came from Melbourne down to Morwell to be married in our then family church, on a 43 degree day, surrounded by our family and friends. It was a cold summer that year and that Australia Day was the hottest day of the summer. There was no air-conditioning in the church and poor Marko refused to take off his suit jacket until after the ceremony. We'll never forget the heat of that day!!

In other ways it was a sad day as the reality of two people marrying from different countries was apparent. We were extremely blessed to have Marko's sister Sari attend our wedding as one of my bridesmaid's, but the absence of the rest of the family was hard - especially Marko's Mamma and brother. But we did have our vows said in English and Swedish, as were some bible verses and readings.

Although being married on Australia Day means that we have a public holiday each anniversary, it also means that we started a very funny tradition when it comes to our celebratory dinner. We had an afternoon tea for our wedding and were back at our motel around 8 o'clock. From there we went out in search of some dinner and realized that as it was a public holiday, nothing was open!!! After much searching, we found ourselves at MacDonald's, with many of our guests!!

So every year we continue our tradition, partly out of the fact that nothing is open on our anniversary, but also out of the memory of our wedding dinner being at Maccas. Some years we've gone for KFC and we had our 10th wedding anniversary at Hungry Jacks. Initially today we'd decided on home made pizza's for dinner but at the boys cries of 'what about your tradition' we reneged and decided we'll go and eat at Maccas. Let's not break tradition now!!

Here we are, 14 years later - with 2 beautiful sons and many many memories, highs lows, sad times and happy times. Marriage is a roller coaster and it's not always been an easy ride. But sometimes one needs to stop, take a step back and re-look at these memories. We need to remember what brought us together and the dreams we have had over the years. Yes, we both have changed - a lot. We are older, wiser, more mature and we have much more experience under our belt.

Happy 14 years. In some ways it's just a drop in the ocean as I'm still in awe of those who have been married for well over 40. But hey, we are on our way. And we are still travelling the road together, not knowing where it will take us, but knowing that the journey we started online so many years ago, has led us here. 

Happy Anniversary to a man who left his family and his country to marry some strange, feisty, independent girl thousands of miles away, who now calls Australia home and each Australia Day celebrates his citizenship - and his marriage.

January 26, 2002.