Our new title.
Just over 3 weeks ago, hubby and I added a new title to our lives - foster carers. Even now, almost a month into our journey, we still find it hard to believe that we are finally here.
Our journey began back in June when we both began talking, once again, about the prospect of opening our home and hearts to children who need a safe and loving place to live. It wasn't something new for us as we had made steps towards becoming foster carers 3 years ago. We'd gone so far as booking in for some training days but it was around that time that it was brought to our attention that our son may have Asperger syndrome. So we made the decision to put our foster care journey on hold while we concentrated on helping our own child. In reality we were in a fairly high level of crisis with the then Master 8's behaviour and we had an obligation to help our own child before we could possibly help someone else's.
So our journey went on the back burner for at least 2 years while we had our son diagnosed and got him the help that we all needed to make sense of his world and learn how to navigate it. Not only did we have to rediscover who our son was and learn how he saw the world, but we also had to teach him about who he was and give him the skills he needed to be the best that he could be in a world that he experienced differently than us. That is itself was often a hard road but an amazing one and I am pleased to say we have come such a long way with him, and he has grown in such maturity, that we could once again consider opening our home to other children.
At the time, the process itself seemed long, though in reality it wasn't. It was more our impatience to get started and get it all happening. That's the kind of person I am. I will take a very long time to think through something and come to any decision, but when I do I want it done now!! But becoming a foster carer isn't something you can simply rush and have happen over night and as the process went on I came to realize that.
You see, we aren't just talking about taking a child into your home and living happily ever after. It's a lot more complicated than that and the organization must make sure that the foster carers they have will in no way add to the trauma and hurt that these children are already facing. Not only that, they must make sure that our family is strong enough to cope and have worked through our own issues because certain trauma's and behaviours can elicit a response in us that comes from our own experience. There's nothing wrong with that, I've no doubt that at times this happens, but it's whether we have the ability to recognize and work through it that is the key.
The process for us took just on 4 months and we virtually had to spill our current and past lives to the assessment workers. I didn't find this hard at all because the workers themselves are a certain type of personality who are doing this job for a reason and we found them very easy to work with, very caring and very wise in their ability to read people. They also spent time with our children because this is a 'family' decision and their well-being in this journey is paramount to us. We know that if our kids don't cope, then the placement won't work.
Strangely it's only been just over 3 weeks since we were accredited yet now it feels like a lifetime. We have a long way to go in gaining experience and learning how it all works, but we have at least started. We are starting with respite care which in reality is a lot easier than having longer term children stay with us. Respite care gives other carers a break and it means we get to do the fun stuff, the parks, the outings, reading the books in bed etc - for just a weekend. We've enjoyed this so far and hope to continue doing some level of respite because we like being able to give other carers the weekend they need for a variety of their own reasons.
Initially I didn't think I wanted to do respite, as once again I wanted to run head long into having some longer term children in our home. But I'm so thankful for the wisdom of an organization who know exactly what they are doing! Doing weekend respite means that we are gaining some hands on experience and finding out what age group and personality types will suit our particular family. It's been different because our family at the moment is very quiet and settled as our boys are older. Bringing young children into our home was very different, and very busy - but one which we really enjoyed. I'm glad we've had a chance to do it slowly because we also need to adjust to the needs of smaller children and all that entails.
At some stage, when the time is right, we would like to bring in a couple of children, siblings if we can, to our home on a longer term basis. Nothing is predictable with foster care so long term can really mean anything - weeks, months or years. Of course the greatest goal in the lives of these children is to get them back to their birth families though we know sometimes this is not always possible. Hubby and I are big believers in children needing to be with biological family where possible so we go into this with our eyes wide open. I'm not saying it will be easy for them to return to their families, but we know that it's necessary. Coming from a foster care background myself has given me a much deeper appreciation for the needs of these precious children.
So here we are, still very much on the eve of hopefully a long and rewarding experience as we seek to care and love any child that walks through our door. Every child needs love and the security of a family. And we hope that we can offer that, even if it's only for a short time. We also know that it will be very challenging as these little lives have had experiences that most of us can't quite imagine. But if we can show a child that not only are they loved, but of great worth and value and help them navigate the world they are living in, then we know that our job is worth every bit of hard work it will take.
Our journey began back in June when we both began talking, once again, about the prospect of opening our home and hearts to children who need a safe and loving place to live. It wasn't something new for us as we had made steps towards becoming foster carers 3 years ago. We'd gone so far as booking in for some training days but it was around that time that it was brought to our attention that our son may have Asperger syndrome. So we made the decision to put our foster care journey on hold while we concentrated on helping our own child. In reality we were in a fairly high level of crisis with the then Master 8's behaviour and we had an obligation to help our own child before we could possibly help someone else's.
So our journey went on the back burner for at least 2 years while we had our son diagnosed and got him the help that we all needed to make sense of his world and learn how to navigate it. Not only did we have to rediscover who our son was and learn how he saw the world, but we also had to teach him about who he was and give him the skills he needed to be the best that he could be in a world that he experienced differently than us. That is itself was often a hard road but an amazing one and I am pleased to say we have come such a long way with him, and he has grown in such maturity, that we could once again consider opening our home to other children.
At the time, the process itself seemed long, though in reality it wasn't. It was more our impatience to get started and get it all happening. That's the kind of person I am. I will take a very long time to think through something and come to any decision, but when I do I want it done now!! But becoming a foster carer isn't something you can simply rush and have happen over night and as the process went on I came to realize that.
You see, we aren't just talking about taking a child into your home and living happily ever after. It's a lot more complicated than that and the organization must make sure that the foster carers they have will in no way add to the trauma and hurt that these children are already facing. Not only that, they must make sure that our family is strong enough to cope and have worked through our own issues because certain trauma's and behaviours can elicit a response in us that comes from our own experience. There's nothing wrong with that, I've no doubt that at times this happens, but it's whether we have the ability to recognize and work through it that is the key.
The process for us took just on 4 months and we virtually had to spill our current and past lives to the assessment workers. I didn't find this hard at all because the workers themselves are a certain type of personality who are doing this job for a reason and we found them very easy to work with, very caring and very wise in their ability to read people. They also spent time with our children because this is a 'family' decision and their well-being in this journey is paramount to us. We know that if our kids don't cope, then the placement won't work.
Strangely it's only been just over 3 weeks since we were accredited yet now it feels like a lifetime. We have a long way to go in gaining experience and learning how it all works, but we have at least started. We are starting with respite care which in reality is a lot easier than having longer term children stay with us. Respite care gives other carers a break and it means we get to do the fun stuff, the parks, the outings, reading the books in bed etc - for just a weekend. We've enjoyed this so far and hope to continue doing some level of respite because we like being able to give other carers the weekend they need for a variety of their own reasons.
Initially I didn't think I wanted to do respite, as once again I wanted to run head long into having some longer term children in our home. But I'm so thankful for the wisdom of an organization who know exactly what they are doing! Doing weekend respite means that we are gaining some hands on experience and finding out what age group and personality types will suit our particular family. It's been different because our family at the moment is very quiet and settled as our boys are older. Bringing young children into our home was very different, and very busy - but one which we really enjoyed. I'm glad we've had a chance to do it slowly because we also need to adjust to the needs of smaller children and all that entails.
At some stage, when the time is right, we would like to bring in a couple of children, siblings if we can, to our home on a longer term basis. Nothing is predictable with foster care so long term can really mean anything - weeks, months or years. Of course the greatest goal in the lives of these children is to get them back to their birth families though we know sometimes this is not always possible. Hubby and I are big believers in children needing to be with biological family where possible so we go into this with our eyes wide open. I'm not saying it will be easy for them to return to their families, but we know that it's necessary. Coming from a foster care background myself has given me a much deeper appreciation for the needs of these precious children.
So here we are, still very much on the eve of hopefully a long and rewarding experience as we seek to care and love any child that walks through our door. Every child needs love and the security of a family. And we hope that we can offer that, even if it's only for a short time. We also know that it will be very challenging as these little lives have had experiences that most of us can't quite imagine. But if we can show a child that not only are they loved, but of great worth and value and help them navigate the world they are living in, then we know that our job is worth every bit of hard work it will take.
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