A new school year.

The start of the new school year for Master 10 probably didn't go the way I first expected it to. He has another great teacher who understands Asperger's sometimes better than I do and runs a very quiet, routine and predictable classroom and is able to challenge Master 10's academic needs. Because I know this about this classroom (it's the classroom I worked in last year so I knew it would very much suit Master 10), I expected a nice quiet introduction to grade 5.


What I probably didn't count on was the fact that it's a new group of children and with that comes a whole new dynamic which needs to be sorted and worked out. This is what proved to be extremely difficult for Master 10 as the grade is made of up some pretty strong characters all vying for their position in the friendship group. This was no easy task for Master 10 who refused to 'do' what was required to be a part of a particular group, thus becoming somewhat of a target.


What I also didn't count on was that within days he was being called 'retarded' again and as a mother I guess that's what breaks my heart the most. I know that he has to learn how to sort out his own social issues and find his place in society and I'm there to encourage, teach and guide him. I send him to social groups to help him to be able to navigate social expectations, friendship groups and the like but nothing can really prepare you for being called 'retarded.'


Everything I do between now and the end of grade 6 is to prepare Master 10 for high school. And part of that it now means that I have to take a step back and let him deal with some of the issues that arise without running in and doing it for him. Oh I find this hard! I want to help him and solve it for him. But running in and solving it won't help him in the long run. I sat with him and explained that when he is in high school he can't have me coming up to deal with every situation that goes wrong. He has to find ways of coping with it and working through these situations. Of course we are always here to offer advice, a shoulder to cry on (which he needed this week) and encouragement to get up and keep going.


I also told him how proud I was of him for not bowing to peer pressure at the risk of being told he can't join a group because he is 'retarded.' I'm proud of that, as much as that hurt us both. Master 10 was very quick to remind me that he couldn't possibly be retarded as he is smarter than most of them in the group. I can't argue with that one. But I also told him that I can't stop bad things from happening. I can't stop people calling each other names. Oh if it wasn't the word retarded it would be something else. Kids will be kids at the end of the day and each of them have the ability to hurt someone else - him included. I did remind my own son that when he called his cousin 'gay' it hurt just in the same way (I'm always looking for opportunities to show him how his own actions feel to others).


So I take these situations and I use it as a tool to teach him. Difficult days happen and we all make choices as to how we handle it. He 'overall' handled it well. Yes he did have a few instances where he didn't quite handle it the best way (he did swear at a child and throw a chair out of sheer frustration). But overall he got through it. I can only hope he learnt a few more things that he can use next time this happens. Because it will. Simply because he is in school. I can't stop it happening but I can help him deal with it when it does.


So begins our new school year. Not as I expected but we all learnt a lot of lessons nonetheless. We don't learn lessons when things are going great. All the skills he learnt in his social group needed to be practiced this week. That's not necessarily a bad thing either. It's why we do what we do.


And next week we'll take on those challenges again. But he's taken great steps towards independence and that's all I can hope for. He's even caught the bus home on his own to our new place and walked to our house (which is literally around the corner!). Okay - so the first time this happened I waited at the wrong bus stop for him so when he got off I wasn't there. He kept his wits about him and walked home but became very upset to find no-one there (because I was still at the other bus stop). I came home to find him inside with all the doors locked and couldn't work out how he got in.


Through the cat flap.


Yes, my 10 year old fits (only just) through the cat flap. He said it was a tight squeeze and he nearly got stuck. And this was the same day that he was told he may face more surgery on his teeth and the issue with the 'group' hit the fan.


And you know what. He survived. No the day did not go as planned. Yes he was confronted with so many things that went wrong. Yes he was upset and needed a good cuddle.


But he did it. He survived a really hard day. And he pretty much did that on his own.


Yep - that's why we do what we do.


And he makes me so proud to be his mother.