The Twins

Can you imagine what it would be like to have no person in the world to talk to about your life with? Can you imagine growing up and as an adult having no-one to say, ‘remember when….?’ No mother, father, aunt, uncle or cousin to reminisce with, laugh with and share the sadness and pain of life with?

If it hadn’t been for God, and knowing what we needed, this would have been me. I grew up with 2 different foster families, only one distant uncle, no cousins and foster siblings who were much older. Once I hit late my late teen years I met more family and discovered that I had sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles etc. But there was no other person in my life that shared my life from the day I was born until now.

Except my twin sister.

Many years ago, I asked God why He made me a twin. I don’t even know why I asked that question but these are just the weird and wonderful conversations I have with my heavenly Father. We were not the only children in our family. We were the last born of our parents and we had an older brother and sister. We were all very close in age, only 4 years separated us with 3 of us being born 10 months apart. But my twin and I never grew up with our siblings or our natural parents. My parents separated, and our older siblings stayed with our mother. We were put up for adoption.

Being a twin has not always been easy and it has many positives and some negatives. I know my twin will read this and won’t mind me saying because it’s the truth. It’s was not always easy when we were younger because we were often compared to each other which instilled in us a competitive nature and the problems with measuring ourselves up against each other. And can I say, no two people are different that the two of us. We are as unique and individual as any two people can be, both born with our own strengths and weakness, talents and gifts.

But oh, as I got older I began to realize more and more just how precious it was to be born a twin. We were bought up being called ‘the twins’ which I must confess, I didn’t much like because it seemed to take away from our individuality. It was either ‘the twins’ or ‘the girls’ and for most of our childhood it felt like were had no identity. And boy could I write a long blog on my struggle with identity! But that’s for another time. Perhaps that’s where I developed my love of being a little hippy in the way I dress and the quest I went on to discover my own uniqueness and flair.

Although God answered my question as to why He gave me a twin, it was really the journey of life that answered it in a much deeper way. She is the only person on this earth who has been with me since we were born. I’d never really understood that until later years when reminiscing about life became more important. We were together in all our placements except for maybe the odd respite with services or friends. It is amazing to think that no other human being on this earth has walked beside me since the day I was born.

My twin and I have had our many ups and downs. I love twin studies and I think ours would be quite interesting because we are two people who grew up in the same environment, who have 2 completely different views and responses to our lives. Neither of us are wrong but it has helped me to understand that so much of what we ‘perceive’ is filtered through more than just the environment we live in. But still, even though our memories and view of our lives might be different, we still have each other to talk about it, remember it and comfort each other in it.

So, as we celebrated another birthday together this week, I was reminded that God knows us from before our conception and knows what we need to get through this life. I am extremely grateful that God would know that my twin and I would need each other, not just as children as we often sat together in the cold loneliness of our lives (and oh how much harder it would have been alone), but as adults who have worked through our challenging years to become closer, more mature and a stronger family force than any other. Our children have cousins, aunts, uncles and a sense of family (even though quite small) that were not able to have. 

To my twin. You were and are such a gift to me. God knew what He was doing when we were conceived in the womb together because I was never alone with you by my side. I know we’ve had some really tough years, but I also know that the good years have now outweighed the bad. We’ve mirrored each other in so many ways, our lives have been so entwined from having children close together, to owing our own homes, doing similar paid jobs and loving God.

To my twin. Never be ashamed of who you are. God has made you exactly as He wanted you to be. Yes, life has thrown many challenges and hurts, but you have overcome them to be the generous, kind, caring and giving person you are. You have gifts and talents that you need to believe in and no matter what life throws at you, continue to raise your head, stand up and keep going. You have an amazing ability to rise up in the face of adversity. I honour you for that!

And we’ll forever be known as ‘the twins.’

And I’m good with that.

Blessings.

Nicole.

p.s. Contrary to what the picture looks like, my twin and I are not identical. We only looked alike as youngsters. The dresses in the photo were handmade by a neighbour of our first foster family. I still have this dress to this day.