Blue Cards
This post is for all parents looking or an innovative and motivating way to get your kids to do chores around the house, or change specific behaviours.
A few months ago we were having issues with getting our 9 year old son to school without tantrumming and refusing to go. We'd had some change at school and he was struggling to adapt to this and we needed help as it was becoming a difficult situation for all of us - especially for me as I work at his school and needed to get there on time! Our Pastor's wife, who has raised 5 amazing kids, gave us an idea which we implemented straight away. It worked so well that we adapted and changed it to suit both our children and the outcome has been surprisingly better than we expected.
This is how it works for our family. Our boys have opportunities to earn 'blue cards.' This can be for whatever you want and you can allocate the number of cards per item. On our fridge we have a list of both chores and behaviours that earn them blue cards - and their value. For example: the boys can earn 1 blue card each by putting out the rubbish; picking up clothes from their floor by the end of the day; putting their clothes away in their cupboards; emptying the dishwasher; being ready for school on time, etc etc. They can earn 2 blue cards each by cleaning the toilet; cleaning the bathroom; vaccuuming; mopping; cleaning their bedroom, etc etc.
Under the list of chores and the value of the cards, is a list of what the cards can be 'cashed' in for - and the value of that. For example: 20 blue cards can be cashed in for takeaway but only on weekends; 20 blue cards for a $10 iTunes card; 5 cards for a chocolate bar; 5 cards for an extra half an hour at bedtime - etc etc. The value you put on the cards is up to you though I strongly suggest that you mix it up between monetary and non-monetary reward.
The boys are free to cash in their cards any time they like - except for takeaway which is only for weekends. What I've loved about this is that when they decide they want something, they soon realize that the only way to get it is to work for it. And I didn't make it too easy for them, it has to be worth something for them to get what they want.
I do suggest that for the first week or two, you make it very achievable. Once they get a taste for it, then you can change it and make it just a little harder. If you make it unachievable in the beginning, they'll lose interest straight away and it won't work. We have them a 2 week 'grace' period where they were given privileges like takeaway for dinner on the weekend, and then we made them earn it. Of course, there are times when we are out as a family and we just 'shout' them takeaway - there's plenty of room for normal family 'treats' and this card system doesn't take away from that. It just means that if they want extra, they have to earn it.
It also helps them to realize that things have to be 'saved' up for as we have not made it possible to earn 20 cards in one day. So if they get to the end of the week and they haven't earned enough cards, they can't just do it all in one day and earn their takeaway. This stops the 'instant' gratification mindset and makes them have to plan ahead if they want something. So if they want McDonalds on Friday night, they have to start working on Monday to achieve this. It also means that during the week they can't just 'cash' in their cards willy nilly - they have to save them for the bigger things. And if they don't earn enough - then they miss out and have to keep working for the next week. One weekend of missed takeaway and trust me, they work harder the next week!
It took a few weeks, but now that the chores are being done without any argument, the house has never been cleaner and tidier, and the boys are even asking if there are extra things they can do!! This has also helped my own stress levels as I am incredibly busy and often find it difficult to keep up with all the household chores.
Might I add here. The boys have things they do around the house which do not earn them blue cards. What we have to be careful about is that we don't set up a 'I'll only do it for a reward' mentality but that there are jobs they do because we are a family and we work together. So when I ask them to do a job for no reward, I expect them to do it. Failure to do so may result in loss of the blue cards they have earned. I think it is important that we teach our children that we should not be paid for everything we do. This is where we have to balance it out. I've explained to my children that I go to work and I get paid, but when I come home and cook and clean for them, it is out of love because we are a family. So I expect the same from them.
I do hope this has helped some parents out there who are looking for a way to motivate their kids to do their chores etc without to much argument. You can easily adapt this to suit different age groups from the young, to the teenager. As long as the child is old enough to understand the system, then it will work. It also works if you are in need of behaviour change. Our boys can also earn a blue card if they are dressed, shoes on, bags packed and ready for school by 8am. This is actually how we started the blue cards (as suggested by our wise Pastor's wife)and now we have no tantrumming or drama in getting ready for school. So if you are in need of a behaviour change - this can work well. Just adapt it to suit your needs.
We prefer to use the cards as opposed to stickers etc because the cards can be returned to us when they are 'cashed' in. When they cash in their cards, they return that amount back to the box. You can't really do that with stickers, but like I said, adapt it to how it suits your family and your needs.
We still do use non-monetary reward for other things. For example: if our boys stay in their beds all night, they get 15 minutes extra on their bedtime the next night. It may not seem like much, but we had a lot of trouble with both of them staying in their own beds. Of course they are allowed to come in for a cuddle during the night, especially if they have had a bad dream and need the extra support - but it is expected that they will settle back in their own beds. Now both boys stay in their beds and only sleep with us if they are genuinely having a bad night (and are happy to give up their 15 minutes). We would not do this for very young children. Mine are almost 10 and 12 now but as younger children they of course could snuggle with us if they needed to. I don't sleep well when they are in my bed so it was just something we needed to do and it worked well for us.
The arguments and stress have dramatically reduced in our house since implementing this system. As they get older, this may change but for now it has really been a Godsend. I am so thankful for wise women in my life who have raised children to adulthood and survived to tell the tale.
So as I look around the house at the washing folded in the lounge room, the overflowing bins and the dishwasher which needs emptying - I'll go and find out who feels up to earning some blue cards.
A few months ago we were having issues with getting our 9 year old son to school without tantrumming and refusing to go. We'd had some change at school and he was struggling to adapt to this and we needed help as it was becoming a difficult situation for all of us - especially for me as I work at his school and needed to get there on time! Our Pastor's wife, who has raised 5 amazing kids, gave us an idea which we implemented straight away. It worked so well that we adapted and changed it to suit both our children and the outcome has been surprisingly better than we expected.
This is how it works for our family. Our boys have opportunities to earn 'blue cards.' This can be for whatever you want and you can allocate the number of cards per item. On our fridge we have a list of both chores and behaviours that earn them blue cards - and their value. For example: the boys can earn 1 blue card each by putting out the rubbish; picking up clothes from their floor by the end of the day; putting their clothes away in their cupboards; emptying the dishwasher; being ready for school on time, etc etc. They can earn 2 blue cards each by cleaning the toilet; cleaning the bathroom; vaccuuming; mopping; cleaning their bedroom, etc etc.
Under the list of chores and the value of the cards, is a list of what the cards can be 'cashed' in for - and the value of that. For example: 20 blue cards can be cashed in for takeaway but only on weekends; 20 blue cards for a $10 iTunes card; 5 cards for a chocolate bar; 5 cards for an extra half an hour at bedtime - etc etc. The value you put on the cards is up to you though I strongly suggest that you mix it up between monetary and non-monetary reward.
The boys are free to cash in their cards any time they like - except for takeaway which is only for weekends. What I've loved about this is that when they decide they want something, they soon realize that the only way to get it is to work for it. And I didn't make it too easy for them, it has to be worth something for them to get what they want.
I do suggest that for the first week or two, you make it very achievable. Once they get a taste for it, then you can change it and make it just a little harder. If you make it unachievable in the beginning, they'll lose interest straight away and it won't work. We have them a 2 week 'grace' period where they were given privileges like takeaway for dinner on the weekend, and then we made them earn it. Of course, there are times when we are out as a family and we just 'shout' them takeaway - there's plenty of room for normal family 'treats' and this card system doesn't take away from that. It just means that if they want extra, they have to earn it.
It also helps them to realize that things have to be 'saved' up for as we have not made it possible to earn 20 cards in one day. So if they get to the end of the week and they haven't earned enough cards, they can't just do it all in one day and earn their takeaway. This stops the 'instant' gratification mindset and makes them have to plan ahead if they want something. So if they want McDonalds on Friday night, they have to start working on Monday to achieve this. It also means that during the week they can't just 'cash' in their cards willy nilly - they have to save them for the bigger things. And if they don't earn enough - then they miss out and have to keep working for the next week. One weekend of missed takeaway and trust me, they work harder the next week!
It took a few weeks, but now that the chores are being done without any argument, the house has never been cleaner and tidier, and the boys are even asking if there are extra things they can do!! This has also helped my own stress levels as I am incredibly busy and often find it difficult to keep up with all the household chores.
Might I add here. The boys have things they do around the house which do not earn them blue cards. What we have to be careful about is that we don't set up a 'I'll only do it for a reward' mentality but that there are jobs they do because we are a family and we work together. So when I ask them to do a job for no reward, I expect them to do it. Failure to do so may result in loss of the blue cards they have earned. I think it is important that we teach our children that we should not be paid for everything we do. This is where we have to balance it out. I've explained to my children that I go to work and I get paid, but when I come home and cook and clean for them, it is out of love because we are a family. So I expect the same from them.
I do hope this has helped some parents out there who are looking for a way to motivate their kids to do their chores etc without to much argument. You can easily adapt this to suit different age groups from the young, to the teenager. As long as the child is old enough to understand the system, then it will work. It also works if you are in need of behaviour change. Our boys can also earn a blue card if they are dressed, shoes on, bags packed and ready for school by 8am. This is actually how we started the blue cards (as suggested by our wise Pastor's wife)and now we have no tantrumming or drama in getting ready for school. So if you are in need of a behaviour change - this can work well. Just adapt it to suit your needs.
We prefer to use the cards as opposed to stickers etc because the cards can be returned to us when they are 'cashed' in. When they cash in their cards, they return that amount back to the box. You can't really do that with stickers, but like I said, adapt it to how it suits your family and your needs.
We still do use non-monetary reward for other things. For example: if our boys stay in their beds all night, they get 15 minutes extra on their bedtime the next night. It may not seem like much, but we had a lot of trouble with both of them staying in their own beds. Of course they are allowed to come in for a cuddle during the night, especially if they have had a bad dream and need the extra support - but it is expected that they will settle back in their own beds. Now both boys stay in their beds and only sleep with us if they are genuinely having a bad night (and are happy to give up their 15 minutes). We would not do this for very young children. Mine are almost 10 and 12 now but as younger children they of course could snuggle with us if they needed to. I don't sleep well when they are in my bed so it was just something we needed to do and it worked well for us.
The arguments and stress have dramatically reduced in our house since implementing this system. As they get older, this may change but for now it has really been a Godsend. I am so thankful for wise women in my life who have raised children to adulthood and survived to tell the tale.
So as I look around the house at the washing folded in the lounge room, the overflowing bins and the dishwasher which needs emptying - I'll go and find out who feels up to earning some blue cards.
We do something similar with our eldest daughter, she's still very young but we introduced a star system. If she goes through a day without fighting with her brother and throwing unnecessary tantrums and putting away her toys, she get's red star. If she get's 4 stars a week then she earns a kinder joy. If she collects 6 stars a week then she earns a green star with which she can buy a toy of her choice. I should say this dramatically reduced and almost stopped the crazy fights and tantrums!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you found a way to deal with the issues you were facing with Master 9 :)
Fantastic Beulah!! It's such a great system because you can adapt it to suit all ages. So glad it worked for you! Keep up the good work. :)
ReplyDelete