Happy Anniversary!

January 26, 2002

Today Marko and I have been married for 12 years. When they acknowledged it in Church this morning it kind of felt weird because we know so many people who have been married for over 25 years that it seems like such a small thing! I don't even know where the time has gone in the last 12 - let alone being married for over 25!! But our story is perhaps a little unconventional and our beginning a little different than most of those we do know who have been married that long. It may not seem that different now because we live in such a technological and modern age. But we were at the turning point of conventional meetings and I didn't know too many people who met the way we did. It's a different story now and it has probably now reversed.

Let me first make it clear that back then I was against internet relationships. I mean, how does anyone really meet through a computer screen, let alone fall in love BEFORE they meet? I was skeptical to say the very least. 13 years ago it just wasn't done - or at least there were great warnings of the dangers of meeting strangers online (and there still is - and rightly so!). I was one of those people who was super sensitive to safety and particularly to talking to people I'd never met online. AND men? Never!!

 But God had other plans.

The story really started as far back as 1999. I was fortunate enough in the middle of that year to travel to Sweden, England, France, Italy and Austria. I had met Marie-Louise sometime back around 1996 and became good friends with her and her family who were from Sweden. When their daughter was going to marry in Sweden in 1999 I jumped at the chance to do a bit of travelling and catch up with some other friends who had married and moved to England. A few months before the trip, the wedding was called off but we decided that we would go anyway. Marie-Louise and her then husband went before me, and I traveled on my own about 2 weeks later. I'd never traveled on my own so to do so overseas was kind of scary, but in the same way I have always approached fear, I didn't let it stop me! 

I spent 2 weeks in Sweden with Marie-Louise and her family and it was beautiful. It wasn't hard to fall in love with this country as I'd already known Marie-Louise for a few years and had experienced some of its culture through her (especially Christmas - that's the best!). Besides, it was summer and warm and it never got dark!! That was a very interesting experience to say the least!! The sun set around 11pm to a kind of dusk, and then the sun would be back high in the sky by 2am. Everyone hooked these really heavy black curtains up at the windows at night to make the house dark. I remember one night I was sleeping in the lounge room of Marie-Louise's son and daughter-in-laws house, and I figured I could sleep okay without putting up the curtains. I got up and was making a cuppa when Marie-Louise's daughter-in-law came and said, 'you didn't put the curtains up did you?' She laughed at me because it was 2 o'clock in the morning!! Further up north and into Finland, the sun never sets at all in summer. I mean it sounds amazing to us but the scary bit is, the sun doesn't come up for 6 months in winter either! I can't imagine that because I get quite subdued in our colder months here in Australia (in fact I am a down right misery guts). But for my holidays the days were long and warm, though it was a different warmth to Australia because our heat just seems to come from the sky and is quite harsh. The Swedish heat feels more like an enveloping warmth that seemed to surround me. It was hot enough to swim as Sweden can get quite hot in summer. It's the land of extremes! The scenery was spectacular and the food great. There was nothing I didn't like about this country.

So when I returned after a trek around Paris, Innsbruk, Vienna, Venice and London - I knew that Sweden was the one place I wanted to return to. I already had a penpal in Sweden, we have known each other for nigh on 20 years now but was keen to touch base with a few more Swedish people in the event I had the chance to 'live' in Sweden for a season. I had that thought in my head for quite some time, but it wasn't until a year had passed that I really thought about following through with that plan. So I began plowing Christian penpal sites because I was keen to be linked to churches and kind of felt that if they were a Christian then it offered some form of safety (funny how we think!). I came across a post from Marko and he caught my attention because we had a lot in common. At the time I was a youth counsellor and also worked in a detoxification unit in Melbourne, and he was a high school teacher. I asked him later how he had come to post on this site, and he honestly couldn't even remember. He's put his details there and then forgotten about it. Definitely a God thing I say. 

So I buzzed him to say hello and it was sometime mid 2000 (the exact time escapes me now). I remember I was in the process of having to move, and so was he, so we only exchanged about 2 emails for the first month or so. Sometime after we had both settled, our contact became a few times a week. By September/October we were talking or emailing each other daily, or doing both!

During this time, from New Year 2000 onwards, I was in the throws of Anorexia so as the months were going on, I was also getting sicker. I was still working at this stage so we had to co-ordinate our different country hours to be able to speak to each other on a daily basis. We were either on the computer or on the phone and I don't think we had much time to do anything outside of this! By this time I was living with Marie-Louise in Mentone in a lovely unit as she had separated from her husband and I had had to move from where I was. I remember the first time Marko wanted to ring me, I totally freaked out! See, I still did have some sense of how dangerous this kind of meeting could be!! Marie-Louise being both Swedish and a psychologist came in quite handy. We had separate phone lines in the unit (or she'd never be able to get on the phone!), so I said to him that if he could get past her, then he was welcome to ring me. Obviously she screened him, saw him as genuine enough (because you really never know) and our phone conversations started. On a note here: Marie-Louise said at our wedding that Marko and I had talked more in that year that most couples she had worked with had spoken in 10 years!

I think by the time Marko hit Australian shores, he had spent a phenomenal amount of money, 3 times a plane fare in fact, on phone bills. It got to the stage where we realized a plane fare was cheaper than continuing to communicate by phone! By March 2001 I had left work and was admitted to the Royal Melbourne Hospital for treatment for Anorexia which was hard on the both of us. I have to be honest, this whole internet romance confused me because I knew I was experiencing feelings for Marko, but couldn't make sense of it given that we had never met. When Marko emailed me to tell me he had feelings for me (it was January 19, 2001 - he still has the email!!), he gave himself such a fright that he went away for the weekend fishing so he couldn't contact me - and I couldn't contact him! He really put himself out there and I was left pondering on what to do with this. It wasn't that I didn't reciprocate these feelings, but I couldn't resolve the issue that we had never met! How do you have feelings for someone through a phone line and a computer? Especially when I knew there was a chance that this would all go horribly wrong and he was some psychopathic stalker at the other end!!

I spent 3 months in hospital where the whole idea of Marko being a stalker almost became my reality. Suddenly for him he didn't have the contact we normally did and he felt somewhat out of control. He began to ring me incessantly which some days I was unable to handle. He would ring my mobile, so I would turn it off. If he couldn't reach me on my mobile, he would ring me on the residents phone. And when I refused to come to that, he would ring the nurses station!! Sounds like stalking behaviour to me!! You have to remember that I was suffering an illness where not only my body had been starved, but so had my brain. My emotions were haywire and I was fighting a battle I wasn't sure I could win. I won't write more about this at this time, because it's a huge story, but through it all, Marko stuck around. That in itself was amazing because I wasn't always nice to him either! No-one had really stuck around in my life the way he did, and the way Marie-Louise did. Neither of them were prepared to give up on me and I think their 'stickability' was what helped pull me through (although I lost a lot of friends at this time, I did have others who stayed by my side, particularly my good friends Louise, Nick and Laura). I was admitted to hospital the day after my 30th birthday and remained there until early June. By this time we had been talking about Marko coming to Australia for a visit on a 3 month visa.

Up to this point, the whole idea of us meeting was never really a reality. In fact, him being so far away gave me a different kind of trust and open honesty that I had never experienced in my life time. Because these restraints didn't exist (physical proximity being the greatest one), I figured I had nothing to lose. So in the year and a bit that we talked to each other from different ends of the world, we were both honest and real. I am very thankful because this is the best foundation that God could have ever have given us in our marriage. Even now Marko is a huge talker - which sometimes drives me nuts!! 

It wasn't until years later that I knew that the reason God had orchestrated this with Marko, was that I had an inherent fear and mistrust of men that left me paralyzed and unable to connect with the male species. But through the internet my defenses were able to be taken down, little by little, until I was able to trust him and be honest with him in where I was at and who I was. I had an intense fear that if anyone really knew who I was, they would reject the filth that was inside of me. This came from years of rejection and abandonment and had shaped who I had become. But Marko never did what I believed he would do (and I gave him ample opportunity to reject me!). Marko showed patience, respect and understanding and treated those deep places and experiences that I had had, with a gentle and loving spirit. 

But he was coming to Australia!! And that excited and scared me more than anything!! He sold his really good computer (that was huge for those who know how much Marko loves his computer), booked a flight, organized his visa and said his goodbye's. He left everything where it was (boy does his sister know about that one) and set his departure date for August 15, 2001. I had already been out of hospital for 2 months at this stage and although I was a long way off from recovery, in my mind I knew that with him coming I couldn't possibly go back to hospital because it wouldn't be fair on him to come to a country he didn't know and have to be on his own. So his coming kept me going though I was required to do outpatient's so my progress could be monitored. A few times the psychiatrists wanted to readmit me but I soon learnt what I had to do to keep them off my back, but not put too much weight on! It was a very fine line (and one that anorexics learn with great skill).

The day of his arrival took forever, yet came quickly. I have a close friend who lives near the airport so I went and stayed with her because my nerves were killing me and I needed to keep myself occupied until his plane came in. He wasn't due to arrive until 11pm so we went to bible study where I was strangely quiet. I had on my absolute favourite purple vinyl long jacket so that Marko would be able to recognize me straight away (at 40 something kilos and black hair - I probably stood out more than I realized!!). I remember that night just dragged and I think I hardly drew breath as I drove the 15 minutes to the airport. Now this is the crazy bit - I had opted to go to the airport alone. It is perhaps not the wisest thing to do, but I had tee'd up with my friend to come back for a cuppa so that they knew I was safe and not been kidnapped to never be seen again!! One must cover all their possibilities!!

A few days after we'd met - August 2001

I stood at the international arrival and suddenly felt a peace I hadn't experienced for awhile. Here I was and there was no turning back. His plane landed and I watched as people started to file out. I saw him before he saw me, and I noticed he seemed pretty cool calm and collected (I'm still not sure if he was or wasn't). He walked straight past me (deliberately) which wasn't really that funny - though for some reason he thought it was. We said hello, hugged, grabbed his luggage and headed out to the car.

January 26, 2002

I have to say, it was a strange experience because we began talking as if we'd known each other all our lives. Being in physical proximity was weird for a short period of time, but by the time we got to the car and started talking, everything that we had known before we met, became our reality. When Marko went to the wrong side of the car, the ice was broken and our connection deepened. What we'd felt was real and our future was sealed - right there and then in the car park of the Tullamarine airport. A month later we were engaged and 4 months later married - Australia Day 2002. 

Marko never did make it back home. His gorgeous sister Sari had to pack up his apartment (something she will NEVER forget) and get rid of everything. He came with a suitcase and has had to re-build everything from there. So even during the hard times (as every marriage experiences) I have to go back to this time and look at all that he sacrificed to come to Australia. His family have been to visit a few times and we yearn to go there and visit them. We know we will one day. Marko is now an Australian Citizen and holds dual residency with Sweden.

Me -  I never did get to Sweden - but I did get my Swedish prince!

So happy 12th Anniversary to Marko and I. Neither of us ever envisioned our lives as it is now, those many years ago when all we had was a computer screen and a telephone line.

And do I still believe in Internet romances??

I'm skeptical.